12
ISSUES: Marriage
Chapter 1: Marriage
Could ten-year relationship contracts
replace life-long marriage?
One in four marriages ends in divorce.
By Rachel Moss
O
ne in four marriages carried
out in the UK ends in divorce,
so could it be time to shake up
the way we commit to our partner?
Some
relationship
experts
have
suggested engaging in a ten-year
“relationship contract” could be a
better way to ensure your relationship
stands the test of time.
The idea is that couples should set
out their expectations of what their
relationship will be like, as well as detail
what will happen financially if they
break up.
After nine years, the couple should
re-evaluate their contract, deciding
whether they are still on track or
making changes in their love life where
necessary.
Sex and relationship expert Dr
Nikki Goldstein believes a ten-year
relationship contract, or a ten-year
marriage contract, could help couples
work through their problems.
“I see people all the time that are
clinging on to marriages because that’s
easier, or the idea of being on your own
or divorced is scary,” she told Daily Mail
Australia.
“They don’t want to be seen to be
failing, but they never stop to think
‘why isn’t it working for us?’
“If there was more social acceptance
from society and we did have more
encouragement to create our own
rules and marriages, maybe we’d see a
decrease in the amount of divorces.”
Writer and HuffPost UK blogger Sarah
Tinsley has welcomed the concept,
saying relationship contracts may
enable couples to maintain “an equal
balance of power in the relationship”.
“Marriage is still very biased towards the
male partner assuming control, even if
you try to have a ‘modern’ marriage,”
she told HuffPost UK.
“Allowing both partners the same
input, without the historical baggage
of a wedding, certainly permits both
parties to start on an even footing.”
According to Tinsley, such a contract
would also encourage couples to re-
evaluate “what a successful long-term
partnership actually looks like” and
acknowledge “that people change over
time”.
“Assuming that everything will be fine
after you’ve said ‘I do’ can limit the
amount of reflection that happens as
you progress,” she said.
“Formalising this process through a
contract might seem ‘unromantic’ to
some, but it could well lead to more
honest, balanced and successful
relationships.”
In contrast, Keelie
Briggs, founder of
the wedding plan-
ning site Wedding
It Your Way, does
not believe ten-
year contracts are a
good idea.
“I prefer a tradi-
tional
marriage
and believe if you
choose to commit
to someone, you
do so because you
know that the love
you feel for them
has no time limits,” she said.
“A marriage ‘contract’ seems more of
a business agreement made out of
convenience than a declaration of love
and devotion as a marriage should be.”
Peter Saddington, a counsellor at
relationship’s charity Relate, said all
forms of long-term relationships take
commitment and hard work.
“Whether it’s amarriage, living together
or a ten-year contract, it makes sense to
evaluate your relationship along the
way to make sure you’re both happy
with how things are going,” he told
HuffPost UK.
“Important life events – like having
a baby, a death in the family or
retirement – can put a strain on couple
relationships and that’s often when
people come to Relate.”
He added that there’s “no need to
wait” until a problem arises to seek
relationship support.
“Taking the time to check in on how
you’re both feeling will help to make
your relationship as strong as possible
for when life throws you a curve ball,”
he said.
“Of course, many couples end up
having children and that’s a life-long
commitment whether you’re together
or not.
“Parents have a responsibility to ensure
they’re doing the best for their children
as they grow up, including making the
family relationships around them as
strong as possible.”
6 December 2016
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The above information is reprinted
with kind permission from The
Huffington Post UK. Please visit
for
further information.
© 2017 AOL (UK) Limited
