20
ISSUES: Marriage
Chapter 1: Marriage
and we do split up, I don’t want us to
hate each other.” Neelam
“I’d heard about Living Together
Agreements and mentioned it to
my partner one night. I said I didn’t
think we needed to because, if we
did split up, I thought we’d be really
fair about money and the flat we rent.
She said that actually, she didn’t think
she would be and as she is better at
arguing than me, we should probably
make an agreement now. The next day
she had printed off the forms and we
filled them in. Not the funnest evening
we’ve ever had but definitely pleased
we have it in the drawer, just in case.”
Suzi
“I earn more than my partner, always
have. When I first mentioned Living
Together Agreements to her, it didn’t
go well. I’m not sure if she got it
confused with a celebrity pre-nup or
what, but she definitely thought it was
about me protecting what is mine.
It was only when we were discussing
what we would put in it that she
realised that wasn’t it.” Tom
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Forced marriage
Because forced marriage is illegal, it can happen in
secret and can also be planned by parents, family or
religious leaders. It may involve physical abuse, sexual
abuse or emotional abuse.
Being forced tomarry
Nobody has the right to force you to
do something you don’t want to do.
You can talk to a counsellor any time
about how you feel and if you’re having
problems with your family.
Some families force their children to
marry because they:
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think it’s an important part of
religion or culture
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are worried about the family’s
reputation and honour (in some
cultures also known as ‘izzat’)
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want all of the family’s money to
stay together
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want to marry their children off in
exchange for money
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don’t approve of their child being
gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender
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don’t want their children to have
relationships or sex
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feel pressured by the community
or other family members to follow
traditions
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want to keep family values and
honour.
But none of these reasons are okay. And
nobody has the right to force you into
marriage.
What to do if you’re being forced
intomarriage
Remember that if you’re being forced
into marrying someone you don’t want
to, this is wrong and it’s also against the
law. It can feel like you have no control,
but it’s important to think about your
future, your safety and what a forced
marriage would be like for you.
It’s possible that your parents or family
would force you to marry because they
think it’s the best thing for you. This
doesn’t make things okay and you can
get help to stop this from happening.
You might love your parents but might
also feel unsure about why you’re being
forced to marry. You might be told that
you’re bringing shame on your family
if you don’t marry. Your parents might
even say that they’ll disown you. This is
emotional abuse.
If you can’t talk to your parents, maybe
you can think of another adult who
you trust, like a family member, teacher
or school nurse. It’s important to let
someone know as quickly as possible so
that you can be safe and get help.
Your rights
Forced marriages happen in many
religions and nationalities, and can
affect both boys and girls. It doesn’t only
happen to young people, it can happen
to adults too. There are some people
and communities that think forced
marriage is okay.
But it’s important to remember that all
major religions (Muslim, Hindu, Sikh,
Christian and Jewish) are against forced
marriage. Forced marriage is never okay,
and it’s important to remember there is
help available.
Forced marriage is against the law in
the UK and you have a right to say no if
you’re being made to marry someone
who you don’t want to. The minimum
age for marriage in the UK is 16.
You have the right to:
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choose who you marry, when you
marry or whether you want to get
married or not
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make decisions and to be able to tell
someone about what’s happening
to you
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feel safe and to ask for help
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say no and explain that you don’t
feel happy with what is happening.
You might worry that if you tell
someone then your parents or other
people could get into trouble. Or you
may think it will make things worse.
You don’t have to deal with this on
your own. There are people who won’t
judge you and who will support you
