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ISSUES: Marriage
Chapter 1: Marriage
How to Make a Living Together Agreement
I
f you are moving in or living with
your partner and aren’t married,
it is a really good idea to make
a Living Together Agreement. This
explains why having a Living Together
Agreement is a brilliant way to protect
yourself and your partner, and takes
you step-by-step through the process.
What is a Living Together
Agreement?
A Living Together Agreement (or
Cohabitation Agreement as it is
sometimes called) is simply a record
of what you have agreed about how
you will own and share things. It
encourages you to think about easy
and fair ways to organise your day-to-
day finances and ensures that if your
relationship ended, neither of you
would lose out financially – unless that
is what you had agreed. All couples
who live together would benefit from
making one.
An agreement that sets out what
would happen if you did split up isn’t
an admission that you think you will,
any more than taking out building
insurance means that you think
your house will fall down. In fact, it
can strengthen your relationship by
helping both partners to feel happier
and more secure.
Joe’s story
“When we bought a flat together
my girlfriend suggested I paid the
mortgage and she paid all the other
bills (which added up to the same).
We’d been doing that for a year when
my mum mentioned she thought that
would mean I had more right to the
flat than my girlfriend. We both knew
that wasn’t fair, so when I suggested
making a Living Together Agreement
she agreed straight away.”
Why should we bother?
A Living Together Agreement helps
you to discuss and agree how you will
pay for things like the rent ormortgage,
and household bills. In doing so, it can
help you avoid the kind of arguments
and minor worries that can build up
over time.
But when it really comes in useful, is
if you split up. Unfortunately, some
couples do split up. Couples that live
together have few rights or protections
if it does all go wrong, no matter how
committed to each other they were,
or how long they have been together.
(If you have children together, there
are some things the law can help with,
but not many.) Instead, couples have
to try and work out how to divide
their property, money and belongings
on their own – when they are usually
heartbroken or angry and not feeling
terribly fair.
Couples who haven’t made a Living
Together Agreement often find that
they have very different expectations
of what should happen or ideas of
what is fair. For couples who have been
together a long time, it’s hard to even
remember who contributed what, let
alone what you said about it at the time.
As unlikely as it seems, making a Living
Together Agreement is actually a loving
thing to do. It protects both yourself
and your partner from unfairness and
unpleasantness in the future, just in
case.
Sandra’s story
“We had lived together for seven years
when things fell apart. I moved out
and stayed with friends. I suddenly had
no home, but what was even harder
was not having anything! Everything
stayed in the flat with Adam and I was
so emotional, the last thing I wanted
to do was go round and start trying
to negotiate or take legal action. It
all took months and eventually I ran
out of energy. He ended up keeping
everything basically. He was supposed
to buy me out of the house, but I ended
up settling for a lot less than half. He
wasn’t trying to be unfair, it was just the
circumstances. As long as I had to keep
going back I couldn’t move on.”
When to make a Living
Together Agreement
Ideally you would make a Living
Together Agreement when you first
move in together, but late is better
than never, so even if you’ve already
been together for 15 years it’s still a
good idea.
“My partner and I made a Living
Together Agreement twoor three years
after we’d bought our flat together.
Good job we did. Until we made the
agreement we hadn’t noticed that we
had very different understandings of
what we had agreed about the flat. I
thought we owned it 50/50, but she
thought she owned 65% of it because
we had borrowed some money from
her mum, even though we paid her
back.”
Is a Living Together Agreement
legally binding?
Living Together Agreements have a
slightly odd status in law. They aren’t
binding unless you write them as a
formal legal deed, but the court will
usually follow them as long as what
you agreed is fair, and you were both
honest about your finances when you
made the agreement. A court is even
more likely to uphold the agreement if
both of you also had some legal advice
about what you were doing before
signing the agreement.
If you want to ensure it is binding,
take your completed agreement to a
solicitor and ask them to write it as a
legal ‘deed’.
Don’t put it off
Hopefully you have decided you
really should make a Living Together
Agreement – please don’t put it off.
Like making a will, it doesn’t seem
urgent and so too many people never
get round to it. We’re sure you can
think of more fun things to do with
your evening – but this is probably the
most useful thing you can do.
How I suggested it to my
partner...
We asked readers who had made a
Living Together Agreement to tell us
how they first suggested it to their
partner.
“Tash has always been clear that she
never ever wanted to get married.
So when she got pregnant with our
eldest, I went down on one knee
and proposed a living together
agreement.” Aidan
“I just told him I hope our relationship
lasts forever, but just in case it doesn’t
we should make a living together
agreement. If the worst does happen
