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ISSUES: Marriage
Chapter 2: Divorce
My parents are separating: young people's
experiences
Ellie’s story
Ellie (1), member of the Family Justice
Young People’s Board, shares her
experience of her parents’ breakdown
and how Cafcass helped when her
parents went to court.
“It was a few years ago and it was hard
for me and my brother. The whole
thing was scary because we didn’t
knowwhat was happening or what was
going to happen. Also, when you’re
a kid the only thing you know about
courts is that it’s a place for criminals,
and that made it scary too. Why were
we going to court? That’s not a place
where we should go. Everything felt
really unstable.
“Cafcass set up a meeting to explain
what was going on and that helped.
They told us why we were going
through this process. It was useful to
have them break down the situation
and explain what was going on. I
didn’t feel so scared after that.
“It was good to speak to the Cafcass
worker because at that point it was
really hard to talk to my parents,
really hard to communicate with both
of them. Cafcass told us about the
possible outcomes and what might
happen, and that was helpful.
“Me and my brother were really happy
with the outcome. I live with my mum
now, but I see my dad nearly every day.
He doesn’t live far from me. My mum
and dad are on speaking terms now as
well, which is really good.
“I would say to any young person
going through this, don’t be afraid to
say how you’re feeling and don’t be
afraid to ask questions if you don’t
understand something. It’s better to
ask there and then because you have
to go through the whole process and
there’s a big decision that’s going to
be made at the end of the day and you
have to know what’s going on so you
can tell people how you feel.
“One thing that changed after the
process was that I’m actually closer to
my dad now. He was always the stricter
parent, so when I said I wanted to live
with my mum, I was scared to tell him,
but he was okay with it and asked
me when I wanted to see him. He
reassured me and now I feel like I can
talk to him about anything because I
could tell him that and it was okay.
“I’m really excited to be on the Young
People’s Board. I think it’s so important
that young people who have actually
been through this can help determine
how things can change and how the
process works at Cafcass. It’s a really
good set up that young people can
have their say.”
(1) Name has been changed.
Jason’s story
“Hello. My name’s Jason. I am seven
years old.
“Last year my mum and dad were
shouting all the time, and one day my
dad stormed off.
“I was really sad when dad left, and
I didn’t really understand what was
happening. My mum was upset too,
and one day dad came round but
mum wouldn’t let him in. I still wanted
to see my dad, but I didn’t like telling
my mum because she got upset.
“After a while, my mum told me that
someone would come and talk to me
about what was happening. Her name
was Anne, and she said she was from
Cafcass. Anne talked to me about my
mum and dad, and then she came
with me to see dad in a special room
called a contact centre. It had toys that
I could play with. I played with dad
for a while on the table football, and
Anne was watching. I had a nice time
and I liked seeing dad again. Anne also
came to see me at home, and talked to
my mum there as well.
“I told Anne that I liked playing with
my dad, and I missed him. But it was
better at home now there was no
shouting and arguing.
“Anne said that she was going to write
a report for the court about me and
my family, and about spending time
with my mum and dad. I thought she
was going to ask me who I wanted
to live with, but she didn’t. We talked
about my pets and school, and drew
some pictures about dad and mum.
Anne told me that someone called a
judge would decide about me seeing
mum and dad, but they wanted to
know what I thought. I didn’t say much
about this, and Anne said that was OK.
“My mum and dad went to the family
court, and the judge listened to
everyone, and read Anne’s report. The
judge then made a decision about
seeing my dad, and mum told me
what they had decided.”
Kelly’s story
“Hi! My name’s Kelly. I was 11 when
my mum and dad split up. There was a
big row and dad left, and my younger
brother Darren and I stayed with our
mum.
“At first I did not really know what was
happening. I was worried because
my mum was so angry and upset, but
I also missed dad. I heard my mum
on the phone talking to a solicitor
so I thought something might be
happening in court. I wanted to ask
about dad and granny who we used to
see every Saturday, but I thought mum
might get upset.
“A man from Cafcass called Jim came
to meet me and Darren. I was a bit
nervous as I thought he would ask me
lots of questions. However, he seemed
to understand what it was like for
children when their mums and dads
split up. Jim said he was going to talk
to us and write a report for the court
to help them decide what to do. He
arranged to meet me and Darren in
his office as that was a private place
to talk. Darren liked it there because
there were lots of good toys, and I
found it easier to talk to him than I
thought it would be.
“I told Jim that I knew mum and dad
were very angry with each other and
that I didn’t want to see any more rows
between them. I also told her I missed
my granny a lot and her dog Spotty
which we used to take for walks every
weekend.
“Jim sorted it out so that Darren and
I could start visiting dad at granny’s
